Elevator Jenga, Gold Diggers, and Engrish…

Now that regular CNU classes have started, the international dorm is packed. Like any crowded dorm filled with lazy international students, everyone wants to take the elevator. I don’t know if it’s airing on the side of caution or just poor construction, but our elevators can only carry 1000 kg. That’s about 10 American-sized men or 20 Chinese-sized girls. Every crowded elevator ride we play this game I call Elevator Jenga. Basically we see how many people we can squeeze in before the overload alarm sounds. It’s not as funny when one of the guys sets off the alarm (because we’re all overweight Americans), but we all find it hilarious when a tiny Asian girl trips it. Mostly because the look on their faces of shear embarrassment is just priceless, but also because Chris, Vahan, and Sam can use their terrible Chinese to say 对不起! 我是美国人！你是老师吗？ (dua bu qi! Wo shi mei guo ren! Ni shi lao shi ma?) It’s pretty much all the Chinese they know. For some reason hearing a foreigner trying to speak Chinese is apparently funny enough to warrant the stereotypical Asian girl giggle*.

Prior to coming to Beijing, I had been warned by several people to be weary of Chinese girls. Not just because they may be clever hookers, but I also heard horror stories of girls latching on to a guy and compelling him to marry her and whisk her away back to America. I never really believed any of these crazy tales… until Wednesday night. We were at Propaganda having a jolly ol’ time when out of nowhere a cute Asian girl comes up to me. Here’s how it pretty much went down:

Me and my friends on the dance floor. Asian girl approaches me…

Cute Asian: So how long do I have to wait before you dance with me?
Me: Umm… do you want to dance right now?

We go out to in the middle of the floor and start dance-talking

Me: So what do you do?
CA: I’m a student at (blah blah blah) University
Me: Cool, what are you studying?
CA: Dance.
Me: Ah, what kind of dance?
CA: … dancing with you…

At this point I pretty much knew what her angle was (either prostitute or gold digger). But I wanted to see where this was going, mostly because I was impressed with myself for being able to have this entire conversation with her in just Chinese!

CA: So who are you here with tonight?
Me: Those are my friends over there. (points to friends) What about you?
CA: I was here with friends but they left earlier so I’m here alone right now.
Me: Oh, so how come you didn’t go home with them?
CA: … because I was waiting to dance with you…

Pretty much the gist of it. She was a gold digger and I was shocked that they actually existed and weren’t just an urban legend told by Chinese mothers to scare their sons into practicing the violin and not going out. All and all, it was a pretty hilarious experience. A generally good rule for guys in China: If a girl approaches you, it’s not because you’re so damn attractive and charming, she’s a ho!

On a different note, the Chinese government, desperately wanting to put their best foot forward for the 2008 Olympics and present Beijing as a world class international destination, is frantically trying to fix all the Engrish (Chinglish) that’s so ubiquitous around the city. I’m sure they’ll be able to fix all the major public signage in time (see the March 1 post for a beautiful example of Engrish), but it’s there’s no way all restaurant menus and shop signs can be fixed by next year. Here are some of my personal favorites:


These don't really need captions...

* Much like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot, the Asian girl giggle is so quick and fleeting, it’s almost impossible to capture on film. But for those you don’t know, here’s what it would look like if it were an emoticon: >_< “tehehe”